Goodbyes are never fun.

Today I started filling out all my new patient paperwork for Utah Fertility Clinic, the new clinic I will be transferring to for our IVF cycle. One of the forms for me to fill out was the release of medical records, so they can get all my infertility history from my past doctors. I filled out the form and brought it to my old RE's office and left it with the front desk. About an hour later I noticed I had a missed call from my doctor and message waiting in my online portal. I opened his message and was shocked at what he had written. My fertility doc had left me a really heartfelt message wishing us the best of luck at our new clinic and expressing to let him know if we were not happy with the care at his office. I know this is so weird, but I felt a little lump forming in my throat. I felt guilty that he felt we were leaving because we were not happy with him. I started getting really emotional thinking about all I had been through with this doc. I mean sure, he wasn't able to get knocked up, but he tried. four times. Every time I would return to his office after a failed IUI, he was always so kind. He would tell me that he was sorry I hadn't gotten pregnant. My response was always the same. "It's okay, Dr. M, maybe next time." Dr. M, thanks for everything. I sure hate goodbyes. This one is truly bittersweet.

Our story

I have contemplated sharing our story for a very long time. I guess I decided not to because it was too hard to talk about. But I have been feeling so strongly that I need to. That somehow our story may bless the lives of another couple who are going through a similar trial. I also feel so strongly that I need to share our story because we have been so blessed to have the opportunity to do an IVF cycle for free. I feel like those who blessed us with this gift should be able to follow our journey and cheer us on. We have such an amazing support system, it is incredible.

2 years ago we started trying. Nothing crazy, just not preventing. After a few months I started to get a little concerned but tried not to worry about it.  I kept having really strong feelings that something wasn't quite right. But, after about 6 months of trying we got pregnant! We were over the moon excited. At the time we didn't realize it, but this was our little miracle baby. At  6.5 weeks we lost the pregnancy. It was such a traumatic experience. I don't want to expound upon it too much because it is really hard to relive that awful moment. After our miscarriage I was really hopeful. I kept telling myself that at least the good thing about this whole ordeal was that we found out I could get pregnant. So we kept trying. Month after month every single pregnancy test came up negative. We were so confused. A year after the miscarriage and a move to Utah later I finally decided to see a specialist. After some testing our  doctor told us we had about a 1-3% chance of getting pregnant on our own. We were devastated, but our doctor was hopeful because of my age. Our doctor recommended us starting with IUI's because he believed we were an "easy fix" and that they would for sure be successful in our situation. Well here we are 4 failed IUI's later...

This whole journey has been such a emotional roller coaster for us. We prayed so hard for a baby, and our prayers were answered, but then it was taken from us. I can truly say that this trial has taught me so much about God's plan for us. I have learned that as much as I want to be, I am not in control, He is! I know He is by our side through this journey.

Monday is our first appointment with Dr. Gertcheff! I am so excited/nervous!!

Feels like christmas!

Today was the day for us to call Utah Fertility Center and set up our first appointment to get the ball rolling on IVF. I woke up this morning with butterflies in my stomach. I jumped out of bed and saw it was just past 8:00, the time the clinic opens, and I immediately started dialing their number. The nurses at the clinic were all so sweet and they kept congratulating me on our big win. One nurse even told me she couldn't wait to meet me. I love these ladies so much already! We chose to go with Dr. Gertcheff, the doctor who pulled my name from the raffle. We hear she is amazing! Hopefully she will help us get lucky again! ;)

We are all set for our first appointment with Dr. Gertcheff on August 4th (which happens to be my Nanny's birthday, I'm taking this as another sign of good luck!) Now I just need to keep myself busy for the next two weeks until our big day!

Thanks for reading! xoxo!

Miracles do happen.

Infertility is an extremely isolating diagnosis. After two long years, I am finally ready to break my silence and talk about our struggle with infertility. We have gone through a roller coaster of incredibly emotional fertility treatments that have all failed. Our Doctor suggested 3 months ago when our 4th IUI (artificial insemination) failed that we should seriously consider doing IVF (Invitro fertilization). Brad and I talked about it and felt there was absolutely no way we could do it at this point in our lives. It would cost us $20,000 because our insurance does not cover infertility treatments. So we decided to stop treatments because we were just wasting money on IUI's that obviously were not going to work for us.

Today has been the answer to our prayers that we have been patiently waiting for. Yesterday Brad and I decided to sign up last minute for the Pound the Pavement for Parenthood infertility 5k here in Orem, Utah. I heard about this organization from our good friends Brett and Marnie who attended the race a few years ago in hopes of winning a free round of IVF. When you register for the race there is a place on your registration form to write in the name of someone to enter the raffle for a free IVF cycle. We knew that if we signed up we most likely wouldn't win, but we felt it was at least giving us a chance. So I signed us up. I decided to ask my parent's if they would sign up because it would increase our chances having a few more people write in our names for the free IVF cycle. I talked to my parents and they told me to call my grandparents, who then told me to call some of my aunts and uncles, and by that point I realized we had a good sized army of prayer warriors. A few of my good close friends know about our struggle with infertility, so I thought I would call them as well to give them an opportunity to be a part of this. Before we knew it we had about 20-25 people registered who wrote our names down for the free IVF raffle! We are so overwhelmed with how much love and support we have from our family and friends. It is incredible.

WE WON.

I still cannot believe it. It is so crazy to think about the hundreds of people who were at the race, yet we were chosen for the FREE IVF CYCLE. We are so grateful. When they read off my name I started bawling. All I remember is standing up and hugging Brad so hard. I looked over at my sister Chantel who was sobbing and ran and hugged her. Brad and I made the long walk up to the front and I remember Brad saying "Oh my gosh!!! oh my gosh!! We won! Can you believe it?!?!" My response? sobbing. sobbing. sobbing. I have cried so many times throughout the day just thinking about how blessed we are for this opportunity. Today was a tender mercy that we will never forget. Heavenly Father is so good.

So many happy tears! 

The video of us being drawn from the raffle!